Guide to caring for aging parents: Support and resources

Becoming your parent’s caregiver can be a daunting task — it represents not only a change in your parent’s life, but also a change in your relationship with your parent. It’s a situation many Americans are finding themselves in: More than 22% of adults are caring for aging parents or other family members or friends, according to research by the Centers for Disease Control and PreventionOpens in New Window.‍ ‍ ^{See note 1}

Caring for aging parents can require a lot of work, sacrifice and time. It also can be challenging to know when to step in to help your parents with health care and financial issues, especially if your parents don’t want to admit to needing help. But it can be a rewarding experience and a chance to forge a stronger bond with your loved ones.

We offer family caregiver tips to help you determine what your parents need — and what you can handle — as well as resources to help make the transition smoother for everyone.

Understanding your aging parents’ needs

It can feel a little surreal to find yourself suddenly parenting your aging parents. It can take time to adjust to this new normal; your parents have spent a lifetime caring for you and may find it hard to relinquish control and let you step in. Recognizing a shift in their daily patterns can help you realize when they might need extra care.

For example, they might start missing bill payments, forgetting doctor’s appointments or having difficulty with what doctors call the “activities of daily living” — bathing or showering, dressing themselves, getting in and out of a bed or chair, eating, etc.

Financial security can also become a concern as health care expenses increase and your parents’ assets decrease. And they become more vulnerable to elder abuse. In 2022, the FBI cited more than 88,000 elderly victims of fraud, resulting in $3.1 billion in lossesOpens in New Window.‍ ‍ ^{See note 1} Not all fraud is reported. The true count could be much higher — often the elderly don’t realize they’ve been scammed, or they may be too embarrassed to admit it.

Whether your parent experiences a gradual health decline or a sudden medical emergency that leaves them requiring help, it may begin to take a toll on their mental health. If they’re suddenly not able to visit with friends, attend group functions or go out on their own, it can be demoralizing. However, there are some steps you can take to help them continue to age gracefully.

Practical steps for caring for aging parents

Before stepping into your new role as family caregiver, it’s important to determine what kind of help your parents need, set expectations for how this new relationship will work and understand how you can help meet their needs.

Craft a care plan

When caring for aging parents, you’re taking on a lot of responsibility. It’s important to plan — together, if possible — to decide what caregiving will look like. But be sure to review this plan often to make sure it can adapt to your parents’ needs. Things to consider include:

• Managing medical care and appointments: Who will schedule medical appointments and make sure your parents get there? How will you administer any prescribed medications? Who will handle insurance claims or pay medical bills on time? What will you do to learn more about their plan to make sure you become an advocate for your parents’ health care?
• Handling daily living needs: Do your parents need assistance 24/7? Should you consider supplementing your caregiving with other care options, like in-home nurses or senior aides? Who will cook, clean and maintain your parents’ home?
• Making their home accessible and safe: Do you need to consider moving their bedroom downstairs if they can no longer manage stairs on their own? Do you need to move area rugs, side tables or other objects that might cause them to trip? Should you install safety aids like grab bars in the bathroom or a security alarm with around-the-clock monitoring in case they need help in an emergency?
• Arranging transportation: Are your parents still driving, and is it safe for them to get behind the wheel? If they can’t drive, how will they get where they need to go? Many elderly drivers are reluctant to hand over their keys because it can represent a loss of their freedom and independence. But if you or their doctor are concerned, you need to have that discussion.

Find resources and support

You don’t have to care for your parents on your own. There are many organizations and government programs that offer assistance and family caregiver tips.

If your parents need help with transportation or meal services, there are non-profits dedicated to serving aging adults. Other advocacy groups can help tie it all together by connecting seniors with benefit programs and services.

Your local government might also be able to connect you with state or federal programs or other resources to help with care. Contact your state’s department for aging and adult services or the federal area agencies on agingOpens in New Window.‍ ‍ ^{See note 1} Military veterans or their surviving spouses also might be eligible for assistance through the Department of Veterans AffairsOpens in New Window.‍ ‍ ^{See note 1} The VA offers caregiver resources and support for aging veterans’ familiesOpens in New Window.‍ ‍ ^{See note 1}

Navigating tough discussions and decisions

You and your parents may not always agree on what will be best for them as they age. Conversations about end-of-life planning, critical care decisions and estate planning can be challenging. But it’s important to make sure everyone is on the same page in case decisions need to be made on a parent’s behalf.

Start the conversation early

The earlier you and your parents begin to discuss their future needs, the better. This gives you time to make any arrangements or come up with solutions if your parents’ needs change. Make sure to loop in any family members, doctors or financial advisors to make sure everyone is clear on the plan and understands who is responsible for what.

Be prepared to get emotional

Talking about end-of-life care or acknowledging that your parents can no longer live independently can be an emotional conversation. Sit down together in a safe environment, so you and your parents feel comfortable expressing your thoughts, concerns, fears and wishes. Be patient and understanding and take your time so no one feels pressured.

Don’t forget your own needs

Caring for aging parents can be emotionally and physically draining. Making sure you’re balancing your own needs with your parents’ is key for your well-being. The Cleveland Clinic reports that 60% of family caregivers experience stress, depression and exhaustion, all symptoms of caregiver burnoutOpens in New Window.‍ ‍ ^{See note 1}

You can’t take care of your parents if you don’t take care of yourself. Schedule regular respite care so you can take a break, whether through other family members or an organization dedicated to help.

Get their finances in order

A financial plan is a key component in a family caregiving arrangement. These steps can help you map one out.

1. Assess your parents' financial situation. Make a list including their income, assets and expenses. Be sure to include potential Social Security and other retirement benefits such as a military or other pension available now and for their survivors. This will help you determine their financial needs and identify any gaps or areas of concern should their situation change.
2. Identify available health care resources. Understand your parents qualification and use of government programs or benefits like TRICARE for Life and Medicare. Depending on their needs, they may be participating in additional Medicare coverage options such as Medicare Supplemental Plans or Medicare Advantage Plans. These resources can provide valuable support for their health care and living expenses.
3. Create a budget. Verify your parents’ everyday living expenses, like utility bills, mortgage payments and food. Sticking to a budget can help ensure their expenses are covered and they have enough savings for emergencies or other unexpected expenses.
4. Set aside money for the future. Consider the potential cost of long-term care, like an assisted living community or nursing home. Determine how you’ll pay for any additional care costs and if they can protect this risk with long-term care insurance.
5. Update their legal documents. Reviewing and updating your parents’ legal documents is a proactive step to make sure their wishes are respected, their assets are protected and potential issues are addressed before they become a problem. Easy steps like reviewing beneficiaries can go a long way, but keep in mind that creating a simple estate plan can be easier than you think through online resources like Trust & Will.
6. Seek advice from a tax professional. Your parents’ financial decisions could have tax implications. Discuss their financial plans with a tax professional, who can help maximize their tax benefits and reduce their tax liabilities.
7. Meet with the appropriate financial professionals. You’ll get personalized advice and guidance based on your parents' specific financial situation. A financial advisor or other professional can help you create a comprehensive plan that addresses their current and future needs. This can include income, health care, estate plan and other related needs.

Whether your loved one needs support for the first time or you and your parents are planning for the future, it’s important to prepare. Caring for aging parents’ health and finances is an ongoing effort, and their needs will likely change over time.

But if you and your parents decide and keep communication open and honest, you can make this transition into the next stage of life easier for everyone.